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Sunday Reading and Reflecting 5

Hello, and happy bank holiday weekend (if you're in the UK that is).

This week has felt like a fairly positive, yet lazy one for me.

What have I been up to?
I've had a fairly quiet week. I've just been working, filming, blogging and applying for jobs, of course. I did have a chilled evening in with a takeaway and friends one night which was lovely and went for Nando with Mum and Flo last night because of the whole CBA to cook thing - which was just nice to get out of the house.


My Blog
I was really pleased with the post I put up this week about style changes. I love how the photos turned out. All photographs on my blog, I take myself - including the ones which I am in, using the magic of a self-timer and a phone remote. I have no help at all, this blog is truely a one woman army, and that is something I am begining to release I should have more pride in.

I didn't post on Thursday, as I'd said previously, I wasn't going to post for the sake of post when I didn't feel I had anything worthy of posting - but I will be back on my full schedule next week hopefully, as the inspiration is flowing!

My Youtube Chanel
This week I also filmed a lookbook for my Youtube Channel - again, entirely by myself. I've never edited a lookbook before, so it's turning out to be quite a challenge, but I'm looking forward to seeing how it turns out. It should be live on my Youtube channel Wednesday 10th May.

This week I posted my first episode in my Dear Dad series - it was a very short vlog from last week, which would be amazing if you could check it out.


Reading - Books
I'm currently reading two new books, I've only just started reading both, so I can't give too much feedback as of yet. The first is On The Other Side by Carrie Hope Flecher. I'm very curious to see what direction this book is headed in. So far, I'm not sold, I just can't seem to buy into the idea yet.

The other book I just began reading is The Life-Changing Magic of not giving a F***k by Sarah Knight. I have a feeling this book may actually turn out to be life changing. Being someone who worries a lot, I feel I could really benefit from this. I know this next point is extremely silly of me, and the cover is a complete giveaway - but I feel quite taken aback by how much the book says the word fuck.


Reading - Blogs
Holly Loves Simple Things - The Can't Relate Mentality
The Anna Edit - 5 Highlights from the past month
Jaynie Shannon - Birthday Weekend


Reading - Articles 
Can we talk about Saturday nights by Dolly Alderton
The Generation Z Hit List, Itching for a Pic by Scarlett Curtis


Watching - Youtube
Arden Rose's Real Tips on Self Love
Steve Booker's Style Talks with Will Darbyshire
Lucy Moon - Reflecting on the Past Five Months 

Listening - Podcasts
Emma Gannons CTRL ALT Delete with Gemma Cairney


Hope you've enjoyed your week! As always, let me know anything you've enjoyed this week.

Love,
C x

Style Changes.





I used to be a strictly dresses and tights kinda girl - if I was feeling adventurous, I might go with shorts and tights - but never jeans or trousers for that matter. I didn't actually own any jeans, trousers, or even trainers. I just didn't feel like myself in them.

However, over the past few months, I've changed, as people do - and I felt myself feel envious of girls who could pull off wearing a pair of jeans and a tee, and look so, effortlessly cool. I started noticed those rocking a more casual look, in fact,  everyone looked good in jeans.


So why couldn't I?
It was a time for a change, so slowly I've been introducing more casual items into my wardrobe, and I'm loving experimenting with styling my clothes more, now I've got more options. I first introduced these boyfriend fit jeans. Although I thought they looked great, I also felt super paranoid wearing them, but as so as I realise nobody was staring at me and knew I spent half of my life being a spokesperson for skirts and dresses, I just felt good. A change felt good.

More and more I've been embracing this new side to my wardrobe and exploring how I can style, jeans, trousers, trainers and all of the great pieces I avoided for so long.

Not only has it rescued me from my fashion rut, it's also made me realise how much we change, and you should be okay with being a different person to who you were yesterday.


Tops (Pull and Bear)
Jeans (Topshop)
Belt (Topshop)
Bag (Coach)
Jacket (Topshop)
Shoes (Adidas)
Glasses (Tom Ford)
Lipstick (Marc Jacobs Kiss Kiss Bang Bang)
Phone Case (Coconut Lane - 20% off entire website with the code chloeharriets)





Big Magic.

I recently read Big Magic my Elizabeth Gilbert, and to be honest, it took me far longer than I like to admit to finish, I found I kept putting it down and then forgetting about it, until the next time I picked it up, however, as I read it, I found there were a lot of things which just clicked. This perspective on creativity just made a lot of sense to me.

In short, Big Magic explores the idea of living creatively and inspiration. If you're a creative person (especially a writer) I'd recommend having a read, if nothing else, it's a really interesting viewpoint.

In today post, I thought I'd tell you the things which really made me think "yeah that really makes sense, why have a never thought of it like that before" There were a lot of light bulb moments as I read, which I felt were worth sharing.


1) The whole idea of personifying inspiration - which is basically what Big Magic is. Inspiration finds us, and if we're not kind to it, it will leave us again. I find inspiration very much comes to me, and it decides what I'm doing. This just makes a lot of sense to me.

2) Don't expect your creativity to pay you. It's serving you already, you needn't demanded money from it. “But to yell at your creativity, saying, “You must earn money for me!” is sort of like yelling at a cat; it has no idea what you’re talking about, and all you’re doing is scaring it away, because you’re making really loud noises and your face looks weird when you do that.”  Expecting payment will scare your creativity away, you need a purpose beyond on money to create.


3) You have to write you own permission slip - no one is going to tell you it's okay to do the creative thing you want to do, people have a habit of waiting until they feel as though they has permission to do something when we are the people capable of giving ourselves permission.

4) Curiosity is important. You should follow all curiosity, as it's got the potential to lead you to a great place.

5) Do somethings else creative. If your inspiration in your usual art is lacking, do something else creative - you'll soon get past that block.

6) It's not you baby, be less precious...“Done is better than good.” You will never finish something if you're obsessed with perfecting it. Also, other people will not love your art as much as you. Some people will dislike it and some people won't be so nice about it. As soon as you personify it as your baby, that all becomes a lot more hurtful.

7) It's important to show up... "Even if you feel like an idiot, you made it there.  But you must stubbornly walk into that room, regardless, and you must hold your head high. You made it; you get to put it out there. Never apologise for it, never explain it away, never be ashamed of it. You did your best with what you knew, and you worked with what you had, in the time that you were given. You were invited, and you showed up, and you simply cannot do more that that. They might throw you out - but then again, they might not."  The quote says it all, right?

8) What if you knew you were going to fail? You should love your art enough that success and failure become irrelevant, Failure is supposed to test us, it's about how we deal with the failure.
 “failure has a function. It asks you whether you really want to go on making things.”  
"What do you love doing so much that the words failure and success essentially become irrelevant?” 

9)  There are more important things. "You're not required to save the world with your creativity" Enjoy being creative, you might become successful from it, you might not. If you're doing what you love, you'll be happy because you're doing what you love, as long as you remember there are more important things.

10) Don't play the tortured artist. "Be the weirdo who dares to enjoy." Somewhere along the lines, we glorified this whole tortured artist idea, there is no shame in enjoying your art. You can be creative for the love of it and enjoy it.


As you might be able to tell, I took a lot away from this book. I'd recommend giving it a read, especially if you want some clarification on what I'm trying to say in any of the points above.

Sunday Reading and Reflecting 4.

Happy Sunday.

I've been feeling a little more positive this week, besides one particularly anxiety fueled day this week as been full of good vibes.

What have I been up to?
I got my hair done. It's lighter and I love it. I went to an actual Salon to have it done, something I rarely do as my mum is a hairdresser so it felt like a real luxury. I'm so happy with how it turned out. They also used Olaplex on it, which means the condition still feels great.


I also went to a Networking event arranged by Rife magazine, all about getting into publishing and writing. I went by myself which made me very nervous, however, I'm just forcing myself into these things, because what's the worse the worse that can happen, right? I'm not going to get confidence without searching for it. The event was good, I'm glad I went. After awkwardly wandering by myself, being too shy to actually to talk to anyone, a lovely girl and guy invited me to sit with them (thank god there were no mean girls, you can't sit with us vibes), which was very much appreciated - and we spoke about poetry - it's lovely to find people who share the same joys as you.


My Blog
I've got back into the swing of blogging and I'm so happy that I have. I've been really pleased with all of the content I've put out over the last week. I've been trying to be a little more creative with the layout of my images on my blog, and I think it's making a big difference to how my posts are looking.

My Youtube Chanel
This week uploaded a video explaining my new series Dear Dad. After saying in the video the first episode wouldn't be up for a while, I decided I'm going to upload my first Dear Dad series next Wednesday, so make sure you're subscribed to my channel so you don't miss it.
I'm trying to be more creative with my video editing. You'll see in my next video I've experimented with adding (poor) illustrations onto the video - something which I'm teaching myself to do. I edit in iMovie, which is making this a little trickier - but as I become more experimental with my editing I'm considering getting final cut pro - let me know if it's worth it!
I'm also considering doing an every day May - uploading a video each day in May. The style of the video will vary, they may be vlogs, sit down videos, poems etc etc. However it's a lot of pressure to put myself under, especially as I have a small audience and do not earn from Youtube - but I'm enjoying it so much, I think it would be a great way to push myself creatively. Let know if you think I should do it, or whether I'd be spreading myself a bit too thin.


Reading - Books:
Finally, I've got back into reading books, I've even purchased a few new ones to help myself keep up with it (let me know if you'd like to me to do a reading list post soon!). This week I began re-reading 13 Reasons Why. After watching the series, I wanted to refresh my memory on the book. It's a short read and not as in depth as the series. I love Clay's character in both book and series form. I prefer Hannah in the series and feel we get to know her better there. This book is very special to me. It was just a story that really touched me.

Blogs
Poppy Deyes - #yolo - I just could really relate to this, I am not a natural yolo-er at all, but it's not just let yourself relax a little.

Poppy Deyes - My New Outlook on Style (another one from Poppy, sorry I had a bit of a blog binge). I'm trying to have this outlook. I wear to want I like and what I want to without worrying. Of course, it's easier said than done.

SaltandChic - The Pressures of Regular Blogging - I found myself nodding along to everything said in this post.

The Anna Edits - How I'm Trying to Make Better Clothing Purchases - Anna just has some great tips if you're trying to be a bit more mindful with clothing purchases.


Watching- Netflix
Pretty Little Liars - it's back and I'm excited about it. The first episode with a little slow moving, but they always are. I think there's a lot of potential for the final 10 episodes.

Watching - Youtube
Wonderfuly0u - Let's talk about Depression
Lucy Moon - Know your worth
Hannah Whitton - How to get organised.
The Michalak's North Coast 500 Video - feel like I'm cheating putting this on the Youtube section - although this is a youtube video, The Michalak's far exceed any expectations of a youtube video - in fact, the quality higher than a lot of what you see in film and TV. Just so beautiful, thought out content. This was a really great video of theirs.

Listening -  Podcasts
Crash on my Couch - again, Will and Arden are hilarious
Emma Gannon CTRL ALT DELETE with Seth Godin - just really inspiring.


Hope you've all had a fab week.
Chloe x

Sunshine and Excitement.



The clocks have gone forward, the evenings are getting lighter, and heck, I've even left my house without a coat. Summer is definitely (finally) coming.

Now, living amongst the great British weather, I know we do tend to see the sun peeping behind the clouds, get a tad overexcited and feel the desire to throw on our short strappy summer dresses, and strut around - usually before we get caught in a complete downpour.

So now the small talk weather chat is over, let's talk about the little things we can really be excited for this Summer because I think they're unappreciated but they might even beat those much anticipated 5 seconds of Sunshine, and definitely enhance those sun rays.

1) Everybody is happier during summer - please don't tell me I'm the only one to notice? As soon as people are given the option to get their legs out, positivity and good vibes seem to spread across the nation. This time of year just seems to give everyone a boost.

2) There is just so much more to do - Festivals, parties, events, day trips - everything seems to cater to this time of year. It's as though the world comes alive to greet the sun, which may, or may not make an appearance.

3) You don't need to spend money to have a good time. There's something a lot more indulging about going on a summer stroll with friends. Even if you wander around the local fruit and veg market, you get out of the house, get a bit of vitamin D, and get to enjoy those positive vibes I just mentioned.

4) Everything looks nicer. There are so many good views you might come across if you simply walk up a hill in the summer. The blue sky certainly compliments the world. And the flowers. Who doesn't love flowers?! The world is colourful.

5) You can go outside without freezing your ass off. Nothing brings joy to my day quite like taking my book outdoors.

6) Ice Cream - I get that they're cold, so why would you want them in winter? but they're so delicious I'd love to eat them all year around. Summer is the best excuse for indulging in a scoop (or several) of your favourite Ice Cream.

7) Toning down the makeup - I feel like as soon as summer comes around, I find myself putting down the foundation and feeling great about it.

8) Water fights. Need I say more?

9) Longer evenings. The evenings are far too short in the winter. It's so nice to get home from work and not feel as though I need to get into bed because it's so bloody dark. I find myself staying up later because of the lighter evenings. It's as if the world is just blessing you with a little more time.

10) Summer clothes. I don't know about you, but I'm excited to pull out my pastel coloured tees and leave my jumper at home.

11) Other people also want to get outside this time of year - the world is definitely a less lonely place during the summer months. Everyone seems to be feeling more sociable. People tend to put down they're iPhones, and enjoy the company of others this time of year which is definitely something special.





Outfit Details
Top: H&M (£8.99)
Pinafore Dress: Topshop (£45)
Trainers: Nike (£95)
Bag: Whistles (£189) (Navy Colour no longer in stock, sorry!)
Nail Polish - Nails Inc Old Park Lane (£15)




What are you looking forward to this Summer? Wearing this pinafore is definitely something I'm excited about!

Feminist AF.




When I was younger, I didn't really understand the term feminist. It has been portrayed to me as Women, who didn't shave their armpits, shouting loudly, about pretty much nothing. Thankfully, I am a lot more educated now. But isn't everyone to an extent? I'd like to think so. With Topshop and H&M selling tee with the word Feminist written across the front - being a feminist is pretty much a fashion statement.

Something which has baffled me is the negativity this has received. I've read articles which claim everyone's a feminist, and we wear the t-shirts to look cool. But isn't the ultimate goal for everyone to be a feminist. It's that what we're aiming for? To have people proudly show off their feminism? Objectify normal is still something we see normalised in day to day life - clearly everyone isn't a feminist, so we need to shout a little louder, so what is wearing a statement tee is a way we choose to do so.

Women deserve the same rights as men. I should not be afraid to lose my friends on a night out in case someone takes advantage of a 'girl who had too much to drink', and I am just as capable of doing a job as a man is. And on that note, there should not be shame around men who show their emotions. Men and woman should be treated as equal.

So my point - who gives a fuck if it's a fashion trend, isn't that what we're hoping for? We want everyone to hear about feminism, to do be educated. It's good to see so many people show they're proud to be feminist, even if it's through wearing a £20 Topshop tee or an international woman day hashtag on an Instagram, but let's make sure we continue to talk about it beyond a day when we see it follow through our social media accounts, and continue to support girls, and boys and women and men in whatever way we know.

As a fashion trend, I hope it does not go out of style.

New Day Knitwear Bloggers Lunch.

You may have noticed I mentioned I spent last weekend in Cornwall with my lovely friend Stacie.
As you've probably heard me banging out about a million times, my Stacie founded New Day Knitwear which is currently launching. I often help Stacie out with the online side of things, and it's amazing to see the brand grow and get the recognition it deserves.

So when Stacie asked if I wanted to going to a bloggers lunch which she was arranging - of course, I said yes. It felt like a three for one deal, I got to have a much-needed catch up with Stacie, and I got to attend the event as both as a blogger and a Social Media assistant for New Day Knitwear.

If you're still a little baffled - New Day Knitwear is a brand which encourages creativity as a coping mechanism for mental health problems, especially crochet.
Stacie learnt to crochet while she studied Fashion at Uni, and began to see the positive effects this creative outlet had on her mental health. New Day Knitwear is a way for her to offer support for those who are struggling, teach crochet and make beautiful pieces of knitwear.

Stacie offers one to one, and group support, there is also a New Day Knitwear club, which creates a sense of community, and of course, you can buy made by you kits, so you create beautiful knitwear designed by Stacie.

So now you got a rough idea of what New Day Knitwear does (check out their website here, it's probably a lot clearer that I am), let's get onto why you're really here - to hear about the blogger's lunch.

Myself, Charlotte, Hannah, Anna and Nicky all visited Stacie Studio, which is basically pastel colour Instagramable loveliness. Stacie told everyone about the brand and over lunch, we all had a little chat about our experiences with mental health. It was so refreshing to feel as though I was in a safe space to speak about something, which can sometimes cause unnecessary shame and embarrassment due to stigma. It was amazing to see I am not alone, and how other successful women also struggle with their mental health.

We then got to the creative part - learning to crochet. A couple of years ago, I sort of taught myself to crochet through watching Youtube Videos, so I have a bit of a head start. 
Stacie did a great job of explaining how to crochet and went around the group offering each support and help. She also had colouring sheets, and kinder eggs for us - it was like a really great kids party for Adults.


It was so lovely to meet some other bloggers, and spend a Saturday doing something a little different. I can see myself taking after Stacie, and reaching for my crochet whenever I'm feeling a little anxious.

Easter Reading.


Firstly, Happy Easter - I hope you all have a day full of chocolate and loved ones planned - and if you don't celebrate it, Happy Sunday - you also deserve a day of chocolate and loved ones.

Secondly. a sorry - I have hit publish on a blog post for a while, I'm not really sure what's happen, I've just been unorganised and busy. I feel as though I've been working on a lot of posts, but none have got to the publish stage - I didn't even manage to get a Sunday reading post out last week - however, I was in Cornwall doing something exciting, which you will hear all about in tomorrow's post (that's right it's scheduled and everything.)



What have I been up to?
Well one of my closest friends Jaynie turned 25 at the start of the month, so we went for a meal to celebrate (I know, a lot more chilled and less alcohol induced than her previous birthdays), it was lovely.

As I have already touched on - I went to Cornwall for the weekend - visited my friend Stacie from Uni, it was so so great to see her, I hadn't seen her in year so we were in need of a massive catch up, and I got to do some crocheting with New Day Knitwear, and meet some lovely bloggers (all about that tomorrow).

I went for Indian food with my friends Hj and Bry - the food was great, and the chat was also great. I also went to Turtle Bay with Matt, again great food, great chats.

and I passed my theory test! Yay, I was a little late learning to drive starting at 25, but it's better late than never. It was my first time taking my theory, I passed which I'm super pleased with! I didn't find it too challanging, but I used the app to revise pretty much most days for a couple if week -  I wouldn't have stood a chance of passing if I hadn't done that.

and of course, I've been working and job searching.


My Blog
I've been quiet on a blog, I think partly because I told myself I'd step back from having a blog schedule, which sort of gave me nothing to aim for. So I'm putting a blog schedule back into place - with the only difference being that, if I'm not 100% happy with a post, I won't post it. I'm aiming to publish posts Monday's, Tuesday's, and Thursday's at 6.30pm, and of course a Sunday reading, at some point, each Sunday. However, I may be skipping days every now and then, as if I'm not completely happy with something, I'm not going to post for the sake of putting content out there. Quality is going to come before quantity, but I'm aiming for both (gotta reach high and all that!).

My Youtube Chanel
I am starting a new series on my Youtube Channel, all of which I'll explain in Wednesdays video. I am a little nervous about it, as it's based around quite a personal topic and I don't want people to get the wrong impression. Having said that, it feel very much like the right thing to do, and there will a video in the series I'm hoping once a month.


Reading - Blogs
Oh, January's Let's Bloom Blog post - I found this so inspiring and uplifting.
In The Frow's How to Overcome Work Tiredness - I definitely don't have as busy of a work life as Victoria does - but I do like to prioritise my time, and make the most of the day, if I'm not at work to get blog things done, and this was full of great tips.


Watching: Netflix
I recently finished 13 Reasons Why, and have not been able to stop thinking about it. I read the book a few years back (review here), and it had the same effect. I loved the series - I thought it was very well done, and really made some strong points. It makes you think, and if you haven't watched it, you should.

Watching: Youtube
Lily Pebbles Honest Q&A because it's so refreshing to see a Q&A where the question are beyond what's your favourite lipstick (as much as we all like to hear that, it's I love when things get a little deeper), also Lily's Spring Wardrobe and Haul Video - it was great to see her give credit to those who have inspired her and here the way she been incorporating color into her wardobe (I know I mention Lily every week, but I love her chanel, she videos are always amazing quality and love how honest and genuine she is).


Listening: Podcasts
The Banging Book Club on A Quiet Kind of Thunder - I really enjoyed this episode, in general, I found Lucy, Hannah and Leena definitely all made me laugh out loud a few times whilst listening(hello, concerned stares on the bus).

Crash on my Couch 1 - I thought the first episode from Will and Arden Podcast was great, and I'm excited to see what else is to come. I love the way the split it into sections, it just made it a little different from any of podcast I've previously listened to. I also like that Will and Arden are a couple because I find it fascinating seeing how couples interact with each other (is that weird? I feel like I've just admitted something weird)


I have rambled on far too long (I missed last weeks, so what did you expect), I'll let you return to to your families and chocolate now.

I hope you're all having a great easter!
Love, C. x

Feelings and stuff.


It's been a while since I wrote one of these very wordy, brutally honest, emotion heavy blog posts - well hold on to your hats, because I'm pretty sure I've stored up enough feelings to write a post longer than every Harry Potter book combined.

I guess, I've felt so snowed under, it's felt impossible to dig myself out, and I've been holding all my emotions in, because I'm not particularly vocal about these things - yes, I can write (it usually comes out in the form of sleepy crap poetry on my iPhone notes, and if that doesn't cut it, I end up here) or if I want to tell somebody, in particular, I will text my emotions out, however getting words explaining what's going on in my 'oh so complicated'  head to leave my mouth, isn't really a strong point of mine. Verbal communication, in general, I'm pretty crap at, ask me to talk in front of more than 4 people, I'm likely to feel faint, and I struggle to pronounce the world bowl (and anything that rhymes with it). I'm a crap talker. In turn, I'm a pretty adequate typer - and I may explode if I don't express some of the million thought swirling around in my head.

It's taken me longer than it should have to admit this, but I'm sad.  I wouldn't say I just feel sad. I feel completely consumed by sadness. It started as a general feeling, but now I feel utterly drowned in that emotion.

To put it bluntly, we all like to stew in our own sadness in a twisted way, don't we? I mean, we love to feel sorry for ourselves, and everyone plays the victim once in a while. As soon as I released this emotion a weight would be lifted - maybe I didn't want that, at least not yet, so I let that slight feeling of sadness take over entirely.

Besides a few sad tweets (the voices in my head argued whether people would care if they read them, - One of the voices said "for christ sake Chloe don't be pathetic and attention seeking and cheer up", well the other chipped in "why shouldn't I tweet that I feel sad, I feel sad I should tweet about it, you shouldn't be ashamed about the state of your mental health", and "it's just not really necessary to tweet about is it?" - you get it, right? I didn't know whether I was coming or going, and not only when it came to my twitter account).

Anyway, today was clearly my emotional breaking point - and funnily enough, I feel less broken for it. I found myself sobbing into my mum's shoulder, about my complete loss of what to do, and how to combat how I'm feeling. There is something so pathetically liberating about crying to your Mummy as an adult. You feel a million times better once you've done it, but it takes a lot of feelings to get there (shout out to mum for dealing with my tears).

There is this guilt which comes with sadness, which ironically makes you feel sadder - which is maybe why it took me so long to talk about it.

I think I'm depressed.
I'm not sure. But I'm mainly sad, and I can't seem to pull myself out of this whirlwind of sadness. My sadness feels heavier than I've had a bad day so I'm a little blue. It's a deep grey which feels like it will continue to taint each day for the rest of my life. Logically, I know feelings are temporary, but it doesn't feel that way. My feelings are arguing with logic, which just causes more stress.

I've not been diagnosed, mainly because I'm too stubborn to go to the doctors, which I know is all kinds of wrong. I will, if it continues, at some point. But it's another pressure that comes with that appointment. What if I'm wasting the doctors time and I've just been a little hormonal, and what if I am really depressed? The reality, either way, sucks.

I know it's circumstantial. It's all stemmed from being stuck in a rut with my career (well, not having one), and feeling lonely (and then feeling pathetic that I'm feeling lonely,  and yes, I'm literally cringing as I type this). My life feels as though it's just paused in the crap place, where I never experienced success, and I'm beginning to get the dreaded "what is wrong with me" feeling. I hate comparison but it's human nature, and when you realise how often you're ghosted by friends, and that I haven't been kissed in, uh far longer than I'd to admit. Over a year I believe. Yup. My career is not where I expected it to be, heck,  I'm 25, live with my mum and can't drive, and have very few (but all very lovely )mates - and the cherry on the cake - nobody fancies me (like that matters! But it clearly does because it's adding to sadness). That's all pretty small problems, but they're all leaving me questioning what is wrong with me. And we all know low self-esteem does nothing for our mental health. And the most frustrating part is, I really don't dislike myself at all. I know it's getting a tad confusing now, but let me explain, I think I am talented and hard working, and I should have a great career because I will put my all into it, I also think I'm a good friend, I'm far from perfect, but I like to think I make an effort with my friends, and I'm a good listener.  I am caring and love my friends a lot - also I'm a great catch, I mean I'm really not funny, but I'm alright and there are things people should like about me - but nobody else can see my value. It's as though I'm screaming at people why can't you see me for who I am, and they're not listening, and now I've got a sore throat from all the screaming.


My life is not what I expected. When it comes to bigger life-altering events, I seem to have no issue dealing with them. I cope pretty well when things are serious. But, at the moment, well they're not really. I just feel a bit shit because I want a better job and to feel validated. I don't deal so well with these problems - I think because of the things could be so much worse guilt. But either way, I'm sad - so does it matter is it's based on trauma or a temper tantrum? Because I still feel what I'm feeling.


Now I've been stewing in the sadness for a while, the question is, what am I going to do? I can't stay in this place much longer because to put it far more bluntly than anyone really wants to hear, I don't know how much more time I'll allow myself to live in this place - so one way or another I've got to move out of it. Ignoring the darkest option out there - the only way is up.

Now, I understand depression is far more than a rut which you are stuck in. However, I have also noted that my feelings are circumstantial. So I've got to change my circumstances.

So, I'm going to work change things, to remind myself this is temporary, and of course, I'll keep you updated on the state of my mental health, which might at least stop it spiralling all over again.

The Bloggers Market.



A few weeks ago I saw Liv Purvis post a tweet about The Bloggers Market, I thought "that looks cool, I'd love to go to that.. oh it's in London, such a shame it's not in Bristol"... and then I realised that I am more than capable of getting to and from London, and I have a Uni friend in London... Bristol is really not that far, so why would I not go? So I booked a Megabus (gotta save the pennies) there and a train back (thought I'd treat myself to a train on the way home, considering getting there came to a total of £8).

My friend Jess was able to come along too - it gave us the perfect excuse for a much-needed catch-up and also meant I didn't have to go alone. Win win.

I had a great day. Sadly, that did result in not taking as many photos as I would have liked (who else forgets about their camera when they're having too much fun?). We looked around all of the cute clothes (I only ended up getting a jacket -  Jess and Ellie were a bit more lucky with the shopping than me), we ate sweets, and we did a bullet journaling workshop with Ohh Deer.

It was lovely to see how normal and lovely all of the big bloggers are. Zoe and Liv both complimented my T-Shirt (thank you ASOS) and I felt very cool. I also got a selfie with Liv... I, of course temporarily forgot how my phone works... because we all know my blog is pretty much a What Olivia Did fan account, and Liv had to remind me how to put it onto Selfie mode (I tried to press the timer...smooth).

The Girls (Liv, Zoe, Reem, Carrie, Lucy, Kristabel and Kim) all did such a wonderful job organising the day - there were so many amazing quality pieces there, they set up space to Instagram heaven and everyone was so friendly and happy to be there, and of course I got to see my friend Jess (and meet Ellie) which was lovely. A fab day all round.
Outfit Details
Jumper (Urban Outfitters)
Chip Pink (Disney)

Sunday Reading 2

Happy Sunday, I hope you've all had a fabulous week!


I'm feeling pretty chipper as this week comes to a close.  Yesterday I popped to London to go to The Bloggers Market which was lovely, such great use of a Saturday (full post coming soon).
Beside that, this week has been full of work and blog prep for lots of upcoming posts.

No so much gushing in this week's Sunday post (apart from I met Liv Purvis yesterday and she is so lovely, so there's a little gush).



Blog and Youtube
I've been a little quiet on the blog, mainly as I've been working, job searching, busy and a little headache-y too. However I've drafted out what feels like a million blog posts for the next few weeks - so hopefully my blog will be getting a little busier again.
I do have a new video on my Youtube channel - it's A Week in Make-Up which I experimented with stop motion - I'm really happy how it turned out so please check it out!


Reading
Void Filler - Meditation by Charly Cox (quite possibly one of the best things I've ever read)
The Gentlewoman Magazine - I'm still at the flick through stage, but I am completely in love this magazine - is so beautiful and full of really fab stuff. When I've had a proper read I'm sure I'll be back with the articles I most loved.
Sunday Times Style Pink is Back in Fashion - but this time for Boys as well as Girls - I'm really into the pink is actually an androgynous colour thing. We all know I love pink, and men in pink too.


Watching
Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life - I think I preferred the series the second time around. Here are some thoughts I had: I loved loved loved The Life and Death Brigade sequence, but also felt gutted about how unrealistic it was, and what was with the hats? It looked cool but wasn't very 2016. I wish there was more of Dean, Jess, and Christoper. Logan's and Deans character developed really well, Jess' not so much - I was just hoping for a little more from him. I loved the Kirk had a Samsung (I think it was a Samsung), rather than and iPhone like every other character (it's the little things, eh) and of course what was the point Star Hallow musical play thing which went on far too long?! But all round they did a good job - I'm really hoping they bring out a new series soon.
Zoella's Birthday Vlog - because Zoe and her friends know how to do birthdays.
Liv Purvis' inside the wardrobe of Charly Cox - I love Charly's style, watching this video made me realise that I don't have to take back everything other people don't like (which is a lot of what I buy), and of course, there were genuine excitement squeals when Charly said she's writing a book.


Listening
Dear Sugar, Haunted by Ghosting - Ghosting is something I've been thinking about a lot recently (as I'm noticing how often it happens) so I found the episode really interesting. I'm not going to ramble on about it too long, as there may or may not be a full post coming on Ghosting coming soon.
The Banging Book Club on taking a break from Alcohol - as with Ghosting, Alcohol is something I have been thinking about a lot lately as I'm drinking a lot less. It was really insightful to see how Lucy and Dodie have found cutting out alcohol,  and again, there's no need for me to go on because there's a full post coming soon.



Hope you've all had a fab week!
Chloe x


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